Dear Dreading New Responsibilities

Dear Girlfriend,
I’ve been married for 3 years and we just bought a house in Riverview. I am 45 and my husband is 48. Neither of us have ever been married and neither of us ever owned a home. My mom is 70 and his mom is 75 and as soon as they heard we had bought this 5 bedroom 3 bath home, they both, within days of each other, called and said they wanted to move in. Can you believe it?
We just got my daughter off to College and we were looking forward to our empty nest. We bought this big house trying to live our dreams of entertaining out of town guest but having our parents live with us, was not part of the dream. They both own their homes and we both have siblings that own their homes too, with children! We may seem selfish but we just wanted to live by ourselves for a few years. Tell me how we should handle this? Can somebody please wake us up from this nightmare?          Dreading New Responsibilities

 

Dear Dreading New Responsibilities,
I don’t see this as a nightmare but more like a dream come true with excellent timing. Old folk are like little children, two is better than one because they will have each other for company. We all know that the elderly deteriorate when they are inactive and alone. So, I see this as everything coming together and God providing all that you need to make the situation comfortable and quality for everyone involved.
Taking care of your parents is inevitable unless they die early. If your parents are with you, you don’t have to run here and there to see about them. That can be very stressful and time consuming. Better for them to come while they can still be helpful and active than after they’re sick. Hopefully, you may be able to offset that stage of life from ever happening and they can live life abundantly until they die. Let’s face it, death is daily. Everyday is someone’s day, so lets live with no regrets
Tell your parents you need a little help with this big beautiful house so you welcome their presence and assistance. Everyone needs to feel needed loved and valued. Have one pay the cable and the other the utility bill. Furthermore, this will free up some of your money for you and your husband to have more get a-ways and better quality date nights.
Assist them with the sell of their houses, that’s one less thing for the siblings to fight over after they’re gone, especially if everyone has their own home. This will free up their money so when they do travel with you, they can stay in the nicest hotels, have there own space and not feel like a burden or in the way. Everyone feels better when they have their own.
However you must put some rules in place so the old chicks don’t try to run your house. Call a family meeting and let your husband lay down the rules. They both will respect it more coming from him. He should begin by saying 1)There is only one queen in this castle and that’s my wife. 2). They’re responsible for their laundry, their bedroom and bathroom. 3).To maintain a clean comfortable home, keep their stuff in their room 4).Your day is over at 9pm and if the bedroom door is closed, please do not disturb unless it’s an emergency 5). Ask them to pick the day they will be responsible for dinner Mondays or Wednesday. Thus taking the “What’s for dinner” load off of you. 6).Ask them which bill they would rather pay, the cable or the utility bill. That will free up some of your money allowing everyone a better quality life Furthermore, Do NOT treat them like babies. Do not take their independence away. If they can drive and get grocery, let them! Show them how to use all the appliances. Ask them to help with light chores, like sweeping, mopping or dishes. It keeps them active and you from being overwhelmed. Be sure to keep date night in place for you and your husband. Most importantly, keep them out of your business or they may be taking sides fighting each other. lol

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