All That I Need I Already Have

I hadn’t heard my name called since the time of my brother, Braxton’s funeral in 2008. I still remember getting out of the bed, where I was talking with my mother and sisters after breakfast, because I heard my father call my name. “Kindall,” he said. I ran to his room to see what he needed. Once I got there, I could tell he wasn’t expecting me. “Did you call me?” I asked anyway, but I already knew the answer. He hadn’t called me. However, there was a voice calling out to me audibly, and it happened over the next several days as I awoke in the morning. It scared me so much, I prayed to God that he would remove that from me. I had no desire to be the crazy lady who heard voices. I drew a connection between the calling of the voice and the last sermon my brother and I heard together in Tallahassee the week before his death about Samuel who was called three times by God, but thought his godfather, Eli, was responsible. Anyway, God answered my prayer, and in 8 years, I never heard another voice...until a week ago.
I have been pursuing wisdom since September. I knew I could receive it, because I read about the nature of it in the book of Proverbs. Wisdom calls out to people, and we can have it, if we ask God for it. After a month and a half, a particular verse stood out to me: one about how a wise person realizes wisdom is in their own front yard while fools search to the ends of the earth. I thought that was interesting, and my spirit began to reveal something to me.
First, let me say that the voice that called my name this time was not my father’s, but my husband’s. I went through the usual routine of asking if I was called. From the orientation of my husband’s body or his status (i.e. sleeping), I could always discern that it wasn’t possible. He wasn’t calling me in a physical sense. Though it sounded like his voice, it was not him.
I have to digress for a moment to tell a story about when I was in college. I was conflicted about whether or not I should try to join a sorority, and I prayed about it. At that time, my husband and I were dating, and he had fallen asleep while studying in his books facing the wall. He didn’t know that I was praying, but he said in his sleep, “Do not go in the way in which the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and blaze a trail for others to follow.” When I woke him up, he had no memory of saying anything, but I googled the quote, and the message quickly became clear: God did not want me to enter into sorority life...and I didn’t. I believe that decision saved me from a lot of heartache. Instead, I followed my passion, serving one year recruiting students to the FAMU as the campus queen.
So, this time, when my husband’s voice called me twice, I knew God was trying to get my attention. He had given me a long break from this situation, so I simply wondered why He was calling me now. God wanted to show me something. The wisdom I had been searching for over the last few months was right in front of me, in the form of the husband God entrusted to me. God wanted to show me that if I wanted wisdom, I would need to humble myself and start listening more, receiving my husband as a gift.
My husband is the wisest person I know. Truly. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before. He is careful with his words, has abstained from all kinds of immoral acts since his youth, and has the most diligent work ethic I have ever seen.
I believe God was essentially saying:”You have wisdom. I have already given it to you, but how are you handling it? It’s calling out to you. It’s right in front of you. How will you treat it? How will you respect and appreciate this great gift?” I felt so convicted. Since that day, I could not help but look at my husband with new eyes. I was in the company of wisdom all along, and I was too blind to see it. It’s no wonder that it had to call out to me, so I would know it was there. It certainly pays to get up and spend time in reading God’s word. Since that day, through my Spanish class and other non-related readings, God has confirmed this revelation. I have concluded like LaFern Batie’s A.T.I.N.I.A.H. principle states, “All That I Need I Already Have.”

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| 1399 views | January, 23rd, 2017
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